Overcoming Anger Part III Final

Published by Paul on

I love the guys staying in our winter shelter — some looking to change their lives and others just existing.  Those attending our anger management class today, want a solution.  Managing emotion and anger requires adopting core beliefs, taking key steps with some new thinking and then practice, practice, practice.  Nobody says the process below is easy but it works.

Core Beliefs-Giving the Confidence to Overcome:

  • I have value-I’m created in God’s image, no one can take that from me
  • No person or situation can make me angry
  • My manhood is not diminished, nor is there shame, by taking steps to deescalate my emotion
  • I have God’s power to overcome any situation (I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind). Jesus is my friend.

Key Steps To Short Circuit Anger

  1. I acknowledge a swelling of emotion: anger, anxiety, frustration
  2. I choose to pause and reflect between emotion and reaction
  3. I am in control with God’s help regardless of the issue
  4. I acknowledge there may be another point of view in the situation
  5. I choose not to respond with yelling, rage, self-criticism, judgment, bitterness
  6. I will try to identify the “trigger” that set off the emotion
  7. I am prepared to give/receive forgiveness
  8. I will tell somebody of the self-control I exhibited in containing my emotion/anger

Having approached a potential anger situation, with a proactive mindset, a man is now prepared to engage the cause –a person or event — in a positive manner.  Of course, at times, there will be a range of anger expressed. With practice and experience, a new pattern of learning and thinking will preempt the intense anger of the past.  Pray for these men that God loves.

I wonder if there is anyone you know outside of the shelter that might benefit from this process.  What do you think?

“A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18 NIV



Paul has worked with hundreds of individual clients from executives to recent college graduates related to career transition and life coaching. Paul holds a Master’s Degree in Psychology. He has written a book, How a Man Handles Conflict at Work. Paul founded (1991) the Career/Life Institute and provides coaching, organizational design and career transition serving clients ranging from large organizations to family owned enterprises. He served as a consultant to management teams, and had senior positions for Bank of America, Right Associates and CRISTA Ministries. His ministry outreach includes Poland, Romania, and 11 trips to Ethiopia. He volunteers for Congregations for the Homeless in Bellevue, WA.


David Stevenson · February 8, 2017 at 5:37 am

You can’t kill anger with anger!Forgiveness and love will kill anger.I was very angry at people and situations for many years and all this was doing was killing me,by practicing prayer and forgiveness I was able to overcome this bout.Although it occasionally flares up again I have found a way rather than anger that works much better, and at first I knew it was not going to work, in fact I told the person who suggested this remedy to #!%# off.The remedy which ended sleepless nights and wheels from constantly turning in my brain was infact praying for the person who I was angry at.Although I don’t agree with what this person did to me is ok I can move on and help others who have gone through similar things by sharing how I am coping.
Killing anger with anger did not work for me for 30 years so I started practicing killing anger with love and it worked almost immediately.Please give it a try for a week or two and if it don’t work you can go back to your old ways. Thanks.

One Mans Victory over Anger | Living Perspectives · February 14, 2017 at 11:30 am

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